Many researchers have grappled with the question of what masculinity actually is and how to define it as a society. Often the question is whether gender is something we actually do: do we each shape the journey for ourselves or are we molded into a predominant form? Before we even begin the long debate aimed at answering questions like these, we must examine the individual role and the role that institutions have on us. We can be personally responsible for our own misconceptions about gender and masculinity. Our actions on these issues speak louder than words. Sociologist Ann Oakley argues that parents often mold their children around certain behaviors, with positive and negative consequences, to adhere to socially acceptable norms. Oddly enough, this type of treatment provokes strong negative reactions among women. In a study by Michael Messner, when asked who was a tomboy and who was a sissy when they were children, women raised their hands more often to identify with the tomboy image . The tomboy trait celebrates masculinity and restricts femininity. Often, children explore many traits of themselves, as Allen explained to Pascoe: “When you're younger…you're a child. You’re wide open…You just do what you want” (Pascoe 118). Darnell, a football player, said, "Ever since you were little boys, you've been told, 'Hey, don't be a little faggot'" (p 55). Darnell shows that men are conditioned very early, like women, on their masculinity roles. These children are learning how masculinity works. At the school Pascoe researched, a faculty member, Mr. Ford, reminded male students, in responding to a backhanded comment made to him by another student, that men should engage in sexual activities with women, not men. Another... middle of paper ... she wore her dress to a school dance is similar to the reactions my family and old friends have to seeing me dressed in an extremely feminine outfit. High school was never a place for self-exploration, it was a place to form an identity early on and you had to stick with it. If you tried a new style or look, you were given the title fag/slut, because you're confused and only fags/sluts are confused in the high school world. We shape how masculinity works with our individual selves and with our public selves. The roles we play on and off the court slowly shape the fluid that allows us to understand what masculinity really is. Taking a fresh look at gender norms at the level of intuition will help create safe places where people can explore, without repercussions, a new identity, whether that identity is sexual or social, left to their personal choice..